So yesterday morning Jason left to have dinner with his friend Patrick from Nashvegas. I couldn’t sleep any longer so I got up and went to the shop. While I was there reading the comics, the Lady Who Never Opens Her Store so ancient people from out of town come in at least once a week to say, “Is she ever open? Do you have a phone book?” came up to me and told me about how she was making a present for her husband, and would I be able to help her by doing the finishing touches.
The first thing she asked was if I painted with oils. Thirty seconds later I found out that question has nothing to do with anything else she is going to say but that’s okay because she likes my paintings and thinks I should be rolling in the money because I’m so talented. Her words. I’ll accept them. Anywho, the project she is working on is a paint-by-number lighthouse. She wants me to “make it fade back a little.” Everytime she says this she waves her hands side to side. I nod as she explains what she means for a couple of minutes because my brain trying to process if that is really what is being said and how I should respond. I’ve been in unusual “I would like to commission you to-” situations before and usually respond with, “Wow, that sounds interesting but that’s not my specialty.”
Back to the hand waving, “Do you think you could do that? Make it fade some?” After weighing the options frantically back in forth in my head, and the main repeating thought being, “O Father in Heaven. I can’t believe someone wants me to do a paint-by-number.” I find myself saying yes. Yes. I can.
ARRRGGGGGHH. I am officially a starving artist but she is a very nice person. Patrick pointed out that even Faulkner had to go to Hollywood to write screenplays because he needed the additional income, but I’m no Faulkner and Hollywood screenplays are a ways above paint-by-number, and I’m sure he was much better compensated. To comfort myself I went out and bought Sarah Vowell’s newest offering and made myself the best breakfast ever.
1 June 12th, 2005 at 4:55 pm So then, Zane said,
I got this crazy idea of a one eyed goat that is holding a banana and he is standing on a heap of broken spatula’s… I’ll give you a buck-oh-five for some oily painting of that.
None of my friends are starving artists yet, I haven’t had to feed them to keep them alive.
I think your paintings rock. Now along the same lines I’m going over to take the irreverant porn off of my Grandma’s computer for the umpteenth time.
2 June 12th, 2005 at 6:19 pm Then, Jason Coleman said,
One time (eons ago, actually), while working at The Magic Bean, an older fella (maybe 65?) simply asked me "How are you with ideas?" I liked to think of myself as a smart fellow, so I told him I was pretty good with coming up with ideas. Turns, out this fellow wanted me to help him write a wanted ad for a young woman to live with him as a wife/maid. He swore it wasn’t just for a sleeping partner. All I could think of was how was I going to keep this guy away from all of my female friends.
Two points: old people ask the weirdest favors, so you shouldn’t feel alone. You’re nicer than I was for helping the lady. Also, you’re not so hard up as to need to go live with some old creep who wants a live in young woman. That still gives me the creeps.
3 June 20th, 2005 at 8:42 pm And then, The Rabbit said,
Wow. New design, huh? I dig it. Did you take that picture yourself?